Words

So, its been a while since I updated my blog. I actually had an entry all ready to go complete with pictures about the people that meant the most to me. There were about 10 people I listed. But I read it again and trashed it. Not because I didn't want to tell those people thank you, but because I couldn't figure out how to put my feelings about them into words.

In my younger years, (a.k.a. in middle school) I wanted to be a writer. I was an absolute bookworm and read about a book a week. I read the first 4 books in the Harry Potter series about ten times EACH. Then they teach you in high school that reading is not fun and that dream withered away and sat silently in a corner of my brain.

But I realized the real reason why my dream to be a writer failed. I am great at making creative stories, fleshing out characters and living out fantasies. But I lack the ability to put my ideas into the right words.  It always seems to come out wrong, misconstrued or worse, never at all. Usually the way I end up expressing myself is through someone else's cliches or in rudimentary terms. Which is why I am terrible at goodbyes and telling people I love them.

However, this inability has opened my eyes to the gift of words. I think I have a 'spiritual gift' of appreciating great speech, lyrics and poetry. So great is my envy that I usually end up borrowing their words in my everyday conversation.

But in a way I'm glad that I lack the ability to put my feelings into words. I have a complicated relationship with someone who likes to define people in about 2 sentences. He feels like he's accomplishing something, like he's helping them discover who they are, by limiting their personality to just a few short sentences. Well I would like to publicly tell him he's wrong. You cannot define someone's endless potential, talents, lifestyle, goals, dreams, ambitions, personality to a few words and fool yourself into thinking that you are capturing their entire essence.

Because who someone is, or how you feel about them, is just about inexpressible. Good writers can come close, but they never truly tell the entire story. So the best way you can tell them that you know who they are is by encouraging them to be the best they can be. Show them how you feel rather than telling them how you feel. This is how I have learned to cope with my permanent writer's block.

So in a way this is my way of apologizing to everyone who I should how told how much you mean to me. But the fact is I can't possibly say how much everyone means to me in a few words. They wouldn't come out right even if I tried.

So God bless, I love you all. Have a very Merry Christmas. And all that jazz.